Wednesday, September 19, 2018

TTC #2: Chemical Pregnancies

As I previously updated, we have been trying for a second child about 7 months now. During that time, I’ve had two chemical pregnancies, which has been disappointing, but not surprising.

If you’ve dealt with infertility or recurrent miscarriage, I’m sure you’ve heard the same stories I have. That sometimes pregnancy is a “reset button” for your body. That couples who struggled for years to conceive their first suddenly have no problems and go on to have multiple natural pregnancies. That couples who had multiple miscarriages never have another. My favorite versions of these stories are when the couple goes in to see their doctor to talk about fertility treatments for another child, when surprise! They find out they were pregnant and didn’t even know it.

I have been told these stories... a lot. Many, many times. Every single person I know seems to have a friend who has gone through years of infertility... to then suddenly be cured after their first pregnancy.

I think many of us who have struggled to have our first child have always secretly both rolled our eyes at these stories, while also praying that it happens to us too. I know I have. When I hear these stories, I always get a strange mix of hopefulness and annoyance.

I did really truly hope that I would be one of those stories. But after having two chemical pregnancies over the last few months, I feel that what ever issue that caused our initial problem is still there.

I have had a total of five chemical pregnancies now. But we have never gotten to the root of our infertility problem.

I am planning to do more testing once we decide to start fertility treatments again. But until then we are going to continue trying naturally... and try to keep hoping.

The first month we began trying again, I was stunned to have a positive pregnancy test. Absolutely stunned. But in my heart, I just felt something... like I knew it wouldn’t stick. I was right. Although I was sad and disappointed to have had another loss... I was also happy that we *had* gotten pregnant naturally. At that time, I had only gotten pregnant naturally once. So even though it made me sad, it did give me some hope.

A few months later, I had a positive again. But this time, it felt real to me. I had it appear on two different brands right away. It appeared to be darkening properly at first. I let myself believe it was real. I even looked up what date the due date would have been. I started thinking of how I’d like to tell my husband and my parents. We were having a family get together in a few days. I was excited that it really might have happened. But... it ended as another chemical. Our fifth loss.

I know something is wrong somewhere, even if all of our testing has been good. I think we’ll need to request more in-depth testing in the future and maybe someday we will get an answer as to why.

Has anyone else dealt with multiple chemical pregnancies or early miscarriages? I’d love to hear your story in the comments!

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